Elevator Pitch No. 2


I received a lot of interesting feedback. Some of the positives included my use of a statistic as a hook, my enthusiasm, and my persuasion overall. I did receive a few pointers, too. The clearest one which I definitely agreed with was my lighting. I didn't really realize how bad my first one looked until it was too late, so I completely understood where that feedback came from. I was also told that I swayed too much, so that was something I focused on while doing this new pitch. My hand movements were also a concern. Some people liked them, some people didn't. So, I tried to walk a finer line when I recorded this new pitch. So, since most of the feedback was on the aesthetic parts of my pitch rather than my content, I kept most of the actual meat of the pitch the same and changed some aesthetic things like my lighting, my swaying, and my hand motions.

Comments

  1. Christopher CafaroOctober 26, 2019 at 5:05 PM

    Grant,

    I thought you did a much better job on this elevator pitch than your last one. I was able to see the screen this time! All jokes aside, you seemed to be much more conscious of your gestures. This helped the viewer focus on what you were saying rather than what you were doing. I think, like you said, your pitch itself is good, just keep practicing body control and it will get even better.

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  2. Herzen VallejoOctober 28, 2019 at 1:23 AM

    Hello Grant,
    Your elevator pitch was good overall. You manage to provide very interesting information of what the current problem and how the need is not meet. I do have a couple points of advice. You look a little nervous because your body language and hand gestures give that impression. So, try to relax because you are very knowledgeable and may be trying to hold something on your hands, it definitely helps me.

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  3. Matthew RubinOctober 28, 2019 at 7:35 AM

    Hey Grant!
    Your elevator pitch was much better than your previous one! I went back and watched it and it is obvious you internalized the feedback and used it to make your elevator pitch better. In the future, I would work a little more on being still. The constant swaying can be a bit distracting from what you are saying. I love the idea, and great post!

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  4. Miguel LollettOctober 28, 2019 at 10:58 AM

    Hi Grant
    I like your pitch is dealing with a major problem in direct matter. As while school lunches are not the only major cause of obesity it’s one of them. Your hand motion is not a major problem in the presentation as most time they serve to emote your idea through hand motion. Though they’re a few occasions where due to nervousness your hand does meaningless action like scratching your right arm. But that is nit picking. I think the most major problem is that, do to you recording yourself from distance that allow your whole body to appear in frame. You voice sound very distant and quiet, at max volume their no problem understanding you. But lower the volume a bit and you’re not longer audible. I feel you can fix this issue through three way you can raise your voice a bit, move your recorder device closer or to go room where your voice will echo more easily.

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